Alice Kyteler Is Lucky, Unlucky, Or Maybe A Witch?
Alice Kyteler started a trend. Unfortunately for her, that trend was getting accused of being a witch.
Dame Alice Kyteler was born around 1280 into a wealthy Anglo-Norman family in Kilkenny, Ireland. That was lucky. As a member of the upper class, she was expected to marry a rich merchant. She wasn’t expected to marry someone with the objectively awesome medieval name of William Outlawe, but she did, which is even luckier.
But Fortune’s Wheel turned. Bad luck came her way. William Outlawe died, making Alice a young widow. But she inherited William’s fortune, which was good luck again.
Alice was lucky to find a new wealthy husband, Adam. Bad luck again; he died. Good luck returned, and she inherited more wealth. More good luck, she married Richard, a new wealthy husband. And next? Would you guess that bad luck came her way and Richard died? But then, great news, she also inherited his fortune.
The wealthy landowner Sir John became Alice’s fourth husband. You’ll be shocked to learn that Sir John fell ill and died. Yes, Alice inherited his fortune. Some called her the Merry Widow. Others called her Black Alice. That second group included her stepchildren who had been written out of John’s will just before he died.
Mugshot of Dame Alice Kyteler
Sir John’s children accused Alice of bewitching their father, using sorcery and poison to murder her husbands to amass their wealth. They got the local bishop to prosecute their wicked stepmother. The bishop accused her of heresy and demon worship, naming her as chief priestess of a coven of witches, which was very bad luck for Alice.
At the trial, things were looking bad for Alice. As the supposed leader of the witches, she and her alleged disciples were condemned to be whipped while driven through the streets, tied to a horse and cart. The bishop wanted to make an example of them to discourage anyone else from straying from the path of righteousness.
But lucky for Alice, she was a noble, her friends were nobles, and her Outlawe in-laws knew enough about outlawing to bust her out of jail. Once she was free, Alice disappeared from Kilkenny and is never again named in any historical records. Whither goest thou, Alice? The best guess is that she jumped ship to safety in England, but what actually happened to her is unknown and remains a mystery.
The least lucky person in this story is Petronella, Alice’s maidservant. What happened to her is known and is a tragedy. Petronella was accused of aiding her mistress in witchcraft and sorcery. Like most women accused of witchcraft across the centuries, she was poor and defenseless.
Under torture, Petronella confessed to the charges. In 1324, the probably totally innocent Petronella was burned at the stake in Kilkenny, making her one of the earliest known victims of execution for witchcraft in the British Isles.
The prosecution of Alice and Petronella was the first of the witch trials, but it was a relatively isolated incident in its time. It didn’t inspire other witch hunts or persecution. There were scattered witch trials here and there, but the real witch hysteria wouldn’t peak until the late 1500s after the medieval period ended. The Salem Witch Trials happened in 1692, hundreds of years later.
Most historians today think that there never really were any witches with supernatural powers, and those tried were victims of social, religious, and political tensions rather than actual practitioners of magic. But the people back then believed it. They were all-in on witches.
The witches Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth were real characters on the stage, and real fears in the hearts of the groundlings at his Globe theater. Centuries later, best say your prayers that they don’t haunt your dreams tonight.
It’s a story as old as time. The Boss has all the adventures, gets all the glory, rakes in the riches, but once she starts to feel the squeeze, she jets outta there in the dead of night. And who’s left behind? The workaday underling, and she’s the one who is consumed by the fire.
Look, if you’re The Boss, do your thing. Swing for the fences. Maybe you get a hit and become a legend. And if it doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped? They’ll offer you an exit package. Get, grab, snatch, take. Enjoy the view while riding your golden parachute to the valley of Exploring New Opportunities.
And if you’re a lowly serf, don’t fret. The next lord or lady who rules your region will still need the land to be tilled. Wake up with the dawn and plow the field. The New Boss might not even notice you there as they’re too busy counting the cows and pigs. If they don’t have a heavy hand with the lash, nothing much will change for you in your mud hut.
But if you’re a middle manager, a servant too closely associated with the departed noble, well, you could be in for some trouble. How quickly can you put distance between you and the old leader? When it’s a peer who leaves, you can blame anything and everything on them, but when The Boss moves on, will the new leader still smell their stink of failure on you?
If you can show that you are a loyal servant, you might make it through. But if you can’t win their trust, take a midnight carriage out of town. It’s better to leave on your own terms than feel the flames tickle your feet.
