Eighth Crusade - Shameless Money Grab
Louis IX was bummed out and bumming around. The king needed to turn his fortunes around. He knew he was a failed crusader, but he didn’t know he was on his way to becoming a saint.
(this is part ten of twelve about The Crusades as a movie series)
After his defeat and release in 1250, King Louis IX of France reigned in Acre for the next four years, trying to restore some order to the mess in Outremer before returning to France.
Back at home in Paris, his defeat haunted him for the next decade and then some. So in 1267, Louis IX again took up the cross for the Eighth Crusade (1268-1270). The pope had been supportive of another crusade for Jerusalem before he died in 1268.
While the previous crusader king, Frederick II, was tolerant of other faiths, Louis had a different view.
“A Christian should not attempt to defend the religion except with his sword, and that he should thrust into the scoundrel’s belly, as far as it will enter.”
You might note that Frederick was repeatedly excommunicated by multiple popes while Louis was made a saint. Go figure.
Again, the plan would be to take Egypt first, then onward to Jerusalem. This time, instead of sailing directly to Egypt, the crusade would meet in Tunis and advance on Egypt along the coast of North Africa.
King Louis IX arrived outside Tunis in July 1270 with three of his sons. The crusade was well-funded and well-provisioned. In spite of these advantages, they all were immediately sick with dysentery.
Even though he was deathly ill, Louis was undeterred. He had his crew make him a modified suit of armor with the seat cut out to facilitate frequent and speedy bathroom breaks. Sadly for him and the crusade, Louis died of dysentery a few weeks later. His last words were:
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem...”
King Louis IX was canonized as a saint in 1297 for his piety and crusading efforts. He is known even today as Saint Louis. His contemporary chroniclers do not record if he created a large gateway arch or a special type of BBQ ribs back in the 1250’s.
Louis’s brother, Charles of Anjou, took over the crusade and stopped it from going any further. Charles was King of Sicily and cared much more about profitable trade agreements with his neighbors in the western Mediterranean than crusading in faraway Jerusalem.
He negotiated for the release of a few Christian prisoners and a huge payment from the Emir of Tunis, then called his crusading days over. The Eighth Crusade had made Charles of Anjou richer but did not accomplish much else.
At this point, Edward Longshanks, the future King Edward I of England, finally arrived in Tunis to join the crusade, but he was too late. He did sail on to Acre, but he did not retake Jerusalem, or do much else really except fight off an assassin while wearing only his pajamas, which, you have to admit, is a badass medieval thing to do.
Some historians call his adventures Lord Edward's crusade, and a few even call it the Ninth Crusade. This King Edward is The Bad Guy in the movie Braveheart, so maybe it’s best to stick with the majority opinion and end the numbered crusades with eight.
Looking over the results of the official Big Eight Crusades, the record is not super great:
Smashing success (to the surprise of everyone)
Total flop (This Is The Way with so many sequels)
Call it a tie (but somehow the most exciting one)
Outrageous (the Revolution devours its children)
Coulda won, but didn’t (blame poor leadership)
Victory by negotiation (but nobody celebrated)
Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory (oops)
Give up; don’t try; take the money (too cynical)
With that record, it’s not surprising that crusading for Jerusalem was on its last legs. But crusading would take on a larger meaning and spawn many, many spinoff crusades…
Once the movie franchise has gotten really tired, most will want to move on. The lead actor might have returned for the next one to save face if the last one was a flop, but for most involved at this point, it’s just a money grab. Get all the people excited, crank out some garbage with an 82-minute runtime, and try to sell some tickets.
If there are enough bored teenage boys at the multiplex on Friday night or if you can squeeze out some royalties in syndication, there may be money to make yet. Some streaming services take the strategy of non-curation and just stuff it full of junk, but hey, there’s content on the platform. Put it up there and run some spammy ads.
And if you can’t make the main franchise work anymore, you might be able to make the IP work as a spinoff or two or twenty…
