Abelard and Heloise - Doomed Workplace Romance

Everybody knows that romantic relationships at work are a bad idea, but that doesn’t seem to stop them from happening. One of the most prominent intellectuals of the Middle Ages got involved with someone from work, and it turned out very, very badly for him.

Peter Abelard (1079-1142) was the son of a French knight, but he gave up his inheritance and moved to Paris, aiming to be the greatest scholar of his day. He became a very popular teacher, and by 1113 he was appointed master in the cathedral school at Notre-Dame. Not too shabby.

While he set aside his sword, he remained a fighter. He loved to get into debates with everyone. He didn’t just want to make a better point; he delighted in humiliating his opponents. He had a quick wit, a sharp tongue, and unbelievable arrogance.

In 1116, he took on a side job as a tutor for Heloise (1098-1164), a brilliant 18-year-old who was fluent in Latin, like many highborn women, but could also read Greek and Hebrew, which were skills beyond most scholars of any gender in France at that time.

This was a meet cute familiar to anyone who’s ever seen a romantic comedy, and the two fell in love. Soon she was pregnant, so the pair skedaddled out of Paris and she gave birth at Abelard’s family home. They named their son Astrolabe. Yes, they named their son after the astronomical measuring device. You might encounter some nontraditional names on the playground today, but if you ever meet a kid named Astrolabe, give them a hug. They probably need it.

The couple was secretly married and returned to Paris. Heloise’s uncle found out about the pair and was not happy. His thugs broke into Abelard’s rooms at night and had him castrated. Most texts say “forcibly castrated,” as if there is some other way.

The couple was distraught. They could no longer pursue their chosen careers. Abelard became a monk and pushed Heloise to become a nun. She did, rising to the position of prioress and eventually abbess, leadership roles in a convent. Unlike Abelard, she seems to have gotten along well with others.

Abelard’s most famous book is Sic et non (“Yes and no”) where he called out apparent contradictory statements in theology, then used logic and the best authorities on both sides to determine the correct solution. He does not resolve the contradictions, instead using them as a way to teach students about logic.

In his career as a monk, Abelard continued to ruffle feathers. He was elected abbot of a monastery but had to flee for his life when his brother monks turned against him. He was condemned for heresy by church councils in 1121 and 1140. The second time he was excommunicated, but the sentence was lifted just before his death in 1142.

They lived apart for the rest of their lives but did see each other now and again. They wrote hundreds of love letters that survive even today. Decades later, Heloise still calls him “my only one.” Abelard grumbles about his fellow monks and displays his self-centeredness to the end. It’s not your typical happy ending to a romantic comedy, but this is a French film, so it might just fade to black.

-Fin-

You might be surprised at how prevalent workplace romance remains today. The industry association SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) says that 27% of American workers have been in a relationship with someone from work. Almost half of those relationships now use the company’s instant messaging tool as a way to flirt and develop the relationship.

Some circumstances are more problematic than others. Two 23-year-olds flirting across their cubicle walls is cute. An affair between married senior executives is less so. Peter was twice Heloise’s age when their affair began, which would certainly raise eyebrows today.

The one policy that should be noncontroversial everywhere is limiting relationships between supervisors and subordinates. It’s just not okay if you’re planning your weekend romantic getaway in your weekly 1-on-1 with your manager.

Companies can set whatever policies they want, but it appears that people haven’t changed since medieval times and romantic entanglements in the workplace will continue. But while hearts may not have changed, societal norms are quite different today. Tread carefully, as the consequences could be dire.